Difference of opinion
If mother and father don’t always see eye to eye on the way to handle the child, it’s hard for everybody, but not necessarily a catastrophe. Children can become accustomed to different ways of doing things.
By the time they are 3 or 4 they have learned to distinguish and practice, quite different sets of expectations. there will be one set of rules among the neighborhood children, and another in the house with the family.
In the mother says one thing and the father another, the child becomes uneasy because he needs approval from both. He will continue to try to get his way, from one or the other, but he feels lost when his two protections so betray him.
Of course, differences, even occasional quarrels, are to be expected. friction is bound to occur between parents. between child and each parent, child and child.
People who love and trust each other may honestly disagree now and then, but can resolve their differences through discussion, even heated debates or sharp conflict. A good row may clear the air.
There is evidence, however, that when the mother and the father basically disagree about almost everything involved in raising their child, the child suffers.
Parents needs to be flexible
Child is apt to become aggressive and quarrelsome himself. This feeds the tension between the parents, and the home becomes heavy with outbursts and resentments.
Hurt and hate pile up when people take fixed position against each other. It helps immensely if parents can frankly discuss their feelings about raising children.
Only when they recognize differences can they work out solution, are failing that agree upon a truce. Sometimes one parent lacks information known to the other. Talking it over help them see things more the same way.
Parents may find it a good rule to back each other up, even if the solution proposed is not one that either would have selected. the child suffers less from what seem to one parent to be too easy or too strict, then does from fear of losing the love of the other parent.